Bettering Yourself... And Another Race Registered

So, I signed up for another race last night (in addition to the quarter marathon that's coming up next weekend). It's the Dallas Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon. And... I'm kind of regretting it.  

This race has been on my radar for since last year, but I really hadn't considered it as a 2015 race since my sights were focused on the Austin Half Marathon (and other races later this year). I knew some running friends were going to do the RnR, and I felt left out and competitive. So. I registered. 

Maybe it's the wet, freezing weather right now on top of some other personal worries. But right now I don't want to do it.

I'm worried about the weather.

I'm worried that I spent too much money on registration when there are several other things that I need to pay for.

I'm worried about how I'm going compare myself to my running friends.

One friend is faster than me for sure (even though I'm catching up) and equally as competitive as me - if not more. I was snarky the day of the Austin Half Marathon and challenged her to a FitBit most-steps in a day challenge. Up until the very last minute she was determined to beat me by thousands and thousands of steps... and she did. I felt like crap after that because I didn't win.

I know each race is my own race. Each run is my own run. It doesn't matter how I did/finished compare to someone else. I'm trying to beat myself - that is all. But some days I can't help but compare myself to others. It's like I'm trying to prove myself... but I know that no one will take notice. It won't change them. Won't make them like me more. So, why worry? Why try to prove anything to anyone?

What it should be is me proving me to myself.

That I am strong. 

That I can do this.

That I do not care about what others think (unless it's good and supportive awe of my accomplishments). 

I'm going to run the Dallas Rock 'n' Roll Half Marathon since I paid for it, and there is no backing out. Well, at least with any sense of getting my money's worth. I'm going to run this race with my friends, and I'm going to enjoy every last thing of this race to get my money's worth.

Maybe my thoughts and feelings will change when I get closer to March 22. I certainly hope so. Who knows. Maybe I'll actually enjoy it. Maybe something amazing will happen and make it worth it.

I'll keep you posted.

Image found here.